Does Your Child Understand True Friendship?

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together…there is something you must remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart…I'll always be with you."
~ Winnie the Pooh

Friendship is that one special love relationship which is born out of choice, you are not born into it. We can choose our friends just as they choose us. It is a relationship that does not come with give-and-take, it is purely about love, faith, trust, companionship, understanding and mutual respect.

As children, we start understanding this relationship as something very valuable, apart from the relationship we share with our parents. When kids take the first faltering steps toward making friends, they realize the meaning of togetherness, companionship, playing and sharing, connecting and giving, trusting and believing in someone else rather than just their mom and dad.

Choosing friends

Friendship is a choice and hence you have the option to carefully pick and choose who you want to be friends with.  For children, this is all the more important as peer pressure is extremely influential in these formative years.

Parents often are just happy to let their children be with their friends and do not pay attention to what kind of children these “friends” are. This can be a serious mistake. An important parenting tip is to keep a watch on the kind of children your child is mixing with. Are they well-mannered and well brought up or are they self-centered and bullies? 

Check the background of “friends”

Find out what kind of families these children belong to. Are they from well-knit loving homes or do they come from disturbed, broken homes? Of course, there is no guarantee that all disturbed homes will have rowdy children or all loving parents have well brought up children, but one cannot ignore the fact that the atmosphere at home has a very big role to play in shaping the personality, character, nature and temperament of the child.

When your child insists on staying over at a friend’s place or invites her friends over to dinner, spend time with the children to assess how they react, talk, think and interact with your child and other children. 

Save your child from bullies

Children themselves may not always be able to choose the right kind of friends themselves. You may find that your soft-natured daughter is caught in a group of aggressive children, who bully her and pull her down but she is unable to get away from them as they are either her classmates or neighbors.  

Children who are introverted sometimes suffer quietly from bullies without being able to extricate themselves from the dominating bunch of children. And they also believe that these children actually are “friends” and thus suffer from low confidence levels from their inability to connect with such children at their level.

Step in before it’s too late

As parents, you must step in to guide your child out of a group of friends who do not add value to his life and simply make him feel badly about himself.  Step in before the wrong group of “friends” does incalculable damage to your child’s psyche and emotional development.

Help your child understand what real friendship is by showing him how to become friends with children who are caring, well-mannered,  and well behaved. Such children not only make other children feel good, they also pass on the values of love, tenderness, compassion and help their friends to perform better in school.

Be a friend to your child

Most importantly, be a friend to your child yourself. Parenting children does not mean directing your child with a list of “do’s” and “don’ts”. It also means raising children who trust you as their best friend. You will love it when your kids share everything with you and look to you for support, guidance and love till the time they are able to make their own decisions. This will also strengthen your parent child relationship. Even after that, having mom and dad as their closest pals is always the biggest support system for any child.

Help your child understand that it is wonderful to be with friends who cherish you. Just as you would like your friends to be there for you, make sure you are around when they need you. Friendship is all about loving, believing and giving.